San Fran Sicko

'HIV Superinfection' Is Scary

2005-12-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

Just not scary enough to stop good ol' Hadley from boning HIV-infected strangers.

Listen to the single-name-only gay guy, diagnosed with HIV infection a year ago, describe his recurring nightmare in SF Weekly's tear-jerking cover story, which claims that "sensational headlines coupled with fearmongering public health reports have HIV-positive men in San Francisco running scared. It doesn't have to be that way."

"I became obsessed with thinking about it. I'd imagine new viruses attacking me while I was in the middle of having sex," he says, rolling his eyes at himself. "It got to me more than I'd like to admit. I'm terrified of superinfection."

So-called HIV superinfection happens (or doesn't) when an already-infected person gets reinfected by a different, perhaps drug-resistant, strain of the AIDs virus. But Hadley's alleged fear of superinfection doesn't show up in his response to finding out he got the "gay plague" while screwing "at least 100 sexual partners in his first six months" in San Fran Sicko. Instead, after discovering he was HIV-positive, Hadley went on an ass-banging binge, "racking up an estimated 300 more partners in his first year of infection. He says he did not know the status of many of those partners," the Weekly reports.

Now I don't really care what Hadley does at night. But I do wonder what effect AIDS drugs has on our out-of-control health-care costs. UNAIDS says "$22 billion will be needed in 2008 to reverse AIDS spread in (the) developing world." That's a butt-load of money.

Could that have anything at all to do with spiraling hospital bills? Just checking. That's a story I'd love to see the intrepid mainstream media explore, but instead it's too busy trumpeting the "pure pleasure" of the apparently fabulous gay Western flick, Brokeback Mountain.

P.S. Since all you randy rump rangers cruising the Frisco gay bars don't know Hadley's full (or maybe even his real) name, here's a description, courtesy of the Weekly: "Hadley is waif thin and nearly 6 feet tall, with unruly wavy brown hair and bright hazel eyes" who "moved to San Francisco from Tucson in 2003." If you see Hadley in the bar tonight, better steer clear, cowboy, before hoppin' in the saddle.

Schwarzenegger Plays Terminator

2005-12-12T13:26:00.000-08:00

With Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's rejection of Stanley "Tookie" Williams' clemency plea, it looks like justice might break out in the Emboldened State.

While street thugs and inmates threaten violence when Tookie gets snuffed, similarly predictable leftists and professional race baiters play the only card they know. (That would be the well-worn race card.)

All I can say is, "Why didn't this happen two decades ago?" Why keep a gang founder and murderer alive for more than a week after his conviction? Good riddance, Tookie. Good luck in hell -- dress for warm temperatures.

Another al-Qaida Bastard Bites the Dust

2005-12-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

Gotta love those Predator UAVs: The CIA used one of the unmanned flying death machines to send Hamza Rabia straight to hell during an early morning missile strike.

Surely the Democrats who charge that President Bush has abandoned the war on terror will now accuse the United States of indiscriminate killing, since five other losers died in the Pakistani safehouse alongside al-Qaida's No. 3 man, and because a previous Predator attack killed eight others but missed Rabia:

Rabia was the target of another Predator attack on Nov. 5, according to local Pakistani officials. During that strike, in the village of Mosaki, eight people were killed in what is now described as an unsuccessful attempt to kill Rabia. Local officials have told NBC News that the dead included the wife and children of the al-Qaida leader.

The basic lesson to learn here? It doesn't pay to bunk with al-Qaida.

Mandate Health Care and Watch Jobs Flee

2005-11-27T18:35:00.000-08:00

San Francisco's socialist stuporvisors are at it again. The latest crackpot antibusiness scheme? Force small businesses with 20 or more workers to provide health care for all employees working half-time or better.

I'm no stranger to the health care price explosion; I happen to know how much even a crappy policy costs when you're self-employed and have to go it alone. Frankly, the costs of health care make it almost impossible for part-timers and independent contractors to get by in the Bay Area.

But that doesn't mean I think coverage should be mandated. Every person who takes a job does so freely. Every employee who accepts part-time work without benefits does so at their own risk and of their own volition. Last I checked, this was still America, land of the free (although sometimes here in California I swear there's a missing R in that last word).

Possibly the most amazing part of the stuporvisors' socialist scheme is the money involved. Chief wacko Supervisor Tom Ammiano -- who has not yet dinged his undoubtedly sweet health care package for a lisp removal -- says he wants to force the employers of the approximately 38,000 uninsured workers to foot the tab for their employees. The businesses would have to pay approximately $4,000 per employee, the Examiner reports. It's all part of an effort to "reduce the $25 million-a-year impact the uninsured have on our public health care system," Ammiano says.

But any idiot with a calculator can see the numbers don't add up. Quick: What's 38,000 times $4,000? It's $152 million. Where's the other $127 million, Tom? If the city was really worried about cutting the cost of health care for the uninsured, it should enforce laws against vagrancy and quit spending $22,000 an hour on bums.

If the socialists in City Hall make this misguided legislation a reality, what do you want to bet the city will see a huge upswing in employees with exactly 19 workers on the books?

Ramsey Clark Takes On Traitorous Task

2005-11-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

Lest you had any lingering doubts about our homegrown socialists' real agenda, Ramsey Clark -- a former U.S. attorney general who's been a longtime lion of the American left -- has flown to Baghdad to aid in Saddam Hussein's defense.

I'm sure Clark and his cohorts will say that he's just doing the right thing, like an ACLU attorney defending a NAMBLA pedophile. Well, it's time these twisted, anti-American freaks stop doing the wrong things.

One of my favorite redneck mantras is: "America -- love it or leave it." Well, Clark doesn't love America, and he's just left it. Let's bar him and other traitors from returning.

Zarqawi Dead in Iraq?

2005-11-20T13:20:00.000-08:00

Forensics experts are trying to determine if one of the eight terrorist crispy critters who blew themselves up after being surrounded by U.S. forces is chief scumbag Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Debkafile reports.

Wouldn't that be cool?

No Thanks, Osama

2005-11-19T10:13:00.000-08:00

No Constitution, no booze, no poker, no banks, no homosexuals and no pictures of women in papers and magazines -- just a double dose of Islam. That's Osama bin Laden's starter plan for America, according to a new book that delivers the terror leader's Messages to the World.

The Guardian drops a few more of bin Laden's nuggets of wisdom, including this doozy: "Every Muslim hates Americans, hates Jews and hates Christians." It also includes undeniable proof that the sand-dwelling megalomaniac is a lousy poet:

I shall lead my steed/
and hurl us both at the target/
Oh Lord if my end is nigh/
may my tomb not be draped/
in green mantles.

What a dick.

The City That Forgot How to Rock

2005-11-17T11:30:00.000-08:00

When the Rolling Stones hit the stage Sunday at San Francisco's SBC Park, somebody turned the volume knob to 11. As a result, the concert could be heard over large swaths of the city. I heard it myself from Bernal Heights, probably 2 miles from the show.

The next day, the distant low rumble turned into a high white shriek, and the Chronicle ran a silly story about widespread noise complaints from the city's tender-eared residents:

Chronicle senior pop music critic Joel Selvin said in his review of Sunday's concert that "the music (was) blasting with surprising clarity for the volume."

No one had to tell that to Kepa Askenasy, an architect who lives on Potrero Hill. She said she loves the Rolling Stones, and welcomes concerts in San Francisco, saying it makes her feel part of the city. But Sunday's performance, she said, was too much.

"You couldn't be outside,'' she said. "It was over-the-top loud, almost violent.''

The touchy-feely description of how much Askenasy loves rocking to the Stones and feeling "part of the city" is typical for this pussified city, as is the bureaucratic response to the Stones' big bang.

"It was loud. It was bad. It was a shock. It was unacceptable,'' said Bob Davis, executive director of the Entertainment Commission. "The city wants to be friendly to concerts, but not to the detriment of the citizens."

The Torture Never Stops in Iraq

2005-11-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

Oh joy, sweet joy -- Iraqis are equal-opportunity torturers. While the headline -- "Baghdad denies all tortured inmates were Sunni" -- wins the prize for this week's weirdest, the bigger question remains: What the hell is wrong with these people?

What Can I Say About the Elections?

2005-11-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

Tuesday's unfortunate election showed the socialist tendencies of California in general and San Francisco in particular. All I can say is, "Bummer, dude."

Or maybe: Since when is San Francisco not governed by the U.S. Constitution? And why should a bunch of liberal crybabyies be able to grab my handgun? I mean, sure, if this fair city could be as crime-free as Chicago or Washington, D.C., -- the only other cities with similar gun-grabbing laws -- then maybe the loss of liberty would be worth it. Oh wait ... they're more crime-ridden than us.

Thank God for the NRA's lawsuit challenging the liberal lunacy.

Probably the most frightening aspect of Tuesday's blowout is Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's apparent decision to go French and embrace appeasement in the wake of his embarrassing political fiasco.

Election Day in San Fran Sicko

2005-11-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

Today's the day. Get out there and cast your ballots and help turn the Emboldened State around.

Need help? It comes from an unlikely source: the San Francisco Bay Guardian. Sure, you'll be repulsed by the juvenile cover illustration of Dick Cheney in prison stripes. And you'll probably want to avoid the sex ads in the back ("Be gay!").

But the handy voting guide, which accompanies the paper's predictably tiresome and long-winded endorsements telling the Bay Area's lockstep liberals exactly how to vote and why, can be very useful if you're in a hurry.

Just clip the guide and take it to the polling place, then vote exactly opposite the SFBG's straight socialist ticket. Pay special attention to the amped-up triple admonishments -- the Guardian loves to roll out its emphatic "NO, NO, NO" recommendations for measures that threaten it's commie agenda -- always making sure not to take the SFBG party line on those.

It's a fairly quick and easy way to do your civic duty. Done and done!

P.S. Need more insight? Check the Frisco Libertarian and GOP party sites.

Insane Iranian Prez Spouts Off Again

2005-10-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

The Jew-hating crazy talk continues as Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stands by his previous call to wipe Israel off the map.

"They become upset when they hear any voice of truth-seeking. They think they are the absolute rulers of the world," Ahmadinejad said on a day he marched with tens of thousands of demented Iranians. Some of these sand Neanderthals chanted "death to America" and "death to Israel," and dressed in white shrouds "in a symbolic gesture expressing readiness to die for their cause," according to the wire dispatch.

I've got a great idea: Let's give 'em their wish.

The wire story takes great pains to paint Ahmadinejad as either a great populist or a vulnerable lunatic. "It is not uncommon for an Iranian president to join marches in the capital," it reads. "Mr. Ahmadinejad was accompanied by five bodyguards, but otherwise security was not out of the ordinary for such an event."

So it seems it wouldn't be too difficult to get a handful of special forces (or even soccer hooligans) to break the venomous bastard in half. Of course, then there would be the messy problem of extraction. Probably best just to bomb the whole hate parade.

Bye Bye, Ms. Miers -- We Hardly Knew Ye!

2005-10-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

President Bush's latest crony pick has, at long last, become a thing of the past as Harriet Miers steps wisely from the Supreme Court nomination fray. Now maybe Bush will pick somebody outside his shrinking circle of friends -- possibly even somebody with some semblance of qualification for the job.

Perhaps Bush's failed "let's go with the people picker" move -- similar to his choice of Dick Cheney for VP way back when -- wass cagier than it appears, though. Maybe, like Caesar installing Mark Antony as people's tribune in Rome, he just wanted a puppet on the high court. (I'm no student of Roman history, but I think the TV show hews fairly closely to actual events.)

If that was Bush's motive, it's time to crank up the band and play "The Oopsie-Daisy Polka." Too bad, Mr. President. This is still America, and this empire ain't ready to fall.

Cindy Sheehan Gets Ready to Party Like It's 2,000!

2005-10-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

Batty "peace mom" Cindy Sheehan is getting ready for the biggest party of her life -- the one where she's gonna chain herself to the White House fence after the U.S. loses its 2,000th soldier in Iraq. Imagine her anticipation as the bloody milestone draws near -- she'll be back in the spotlight, smiling and mugging for the TV cams as the cops cut off her chains and carry her to the squad car.

What's with these ghouls of the radical left? They've been planning and waiting for this day like kids getting ready for Christmas. It's an evil anniversary they can really get behind. The whole thing makes me sick.

SF Sicko's fantasy? The cops mace and subdue Sheehan and her cohorts and put them in a real jail -- the kind with violent criminals -- rather than just giving these lunatics the celebrity perp walk they crave, then busting a catch-and-release move on them (like we do for non-Mexican illegal immigrants). Chuck 'em in lockup for a month, give 'em a real taste of the lawbreakers' lifestyle.

This would also let the "peace protesters" get an insider's look at the scumbags so often held up by the loony left as mere victims of oppression -- you know, the cutthroats and rapists who would have been Rhodes Scholars if only the GOP wasn't so gosh-darned mean. Give Sheehan 10 minutes in a cage with a D.C. street thug. Then we'll see how much she likes her new hobby of getting arrested.

SF Weekly's Weakly Music Awards

2005-10-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

If you needed undeniable proof that the San Francisco music scene is completely pulseless, all you had to do was go to the SF Weekly Music Awards last night. The whole production tilted along with all the wit, flair and panache of a church camp skit night. The emcees (all three of them) were lame and unfunny -- sometimes even reading their pathetic jokes from handheld cue cards. Attendance at the bum-ringed Warfield was paltry (even though the show was allegedly sold out).

The rappers in Federation were darling (especially the ones pinching their crotches like they needed to go pee-pee), and the mini gang of black kids dancing onstage to the sad little DJ -- for, what was it, a half-hour or so? --seemed really sweet. And possibly retarded -- nice of their minders to swing the little yellow bus by and give them their awkward moment in the spotlight. Who says minority kids don't get any breaks?

A couple of rock bands -- Parchman Farm and Rogue Wave -- were OK, though it seems unbelievable that they've been duly anointed by SF Weakly as the next big things. Maybe they really are the best this brain-dead city has to offer, but I'll take a long set of country covers by the Plain High Drifters any day.

I frankly don't know what to make of the video for "My Parachute Won't Open." The Weakly calls it "video magic," but it seemed pretty pointless to me, although I suppose I should be pleased that Frisco's senior citizens are getting their art on.

All in all, the night made me long for Los Angeles -- and that's no easy task, since I hate that smog-befouled SoCal metropolis. At least in L.A. there would have been a little bit of class instead of just a bunch of talent-free losers who've convinced themselves that they're geniuses.

700 Free Passes Out of Frisco

2005-10-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

About 700 hobos have hit the long road out of San Francisco, the Examiner reports. That makes 700 down, maybe another 2,000 or 3,000 to go. I saw at least 50 tonight that needed a one-way trip out of this overpriced prison. Say what you want about San Francisco, but it's no place for a drunk or a junkie or a crack whore to call home. Hell, it's hardly fit for decent working folks who make less than minimum wage (that would be about $50,000 a year).

Blasphemy of the Day

2005-10-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Always remember and don't ever forget: Today's gang thug is tomorrow's affirmative-action hire.

Flight 93 Memorial Packs Not-So-Hidden Message

2005-09-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

What can any sane person say about the so-called Crescent of Embrace memorial that supposedly would honor the doomed-but-determined passengers of Flight 93 who died fighting Islamic terrorists Sept. 11, 2001?

How about: No thanks, you idiots.

Why would the panel that picked the winning design -- a huge red crescent that looks suspiciously like Islam's sacred symbol -- pick such a thing? It's an insult, and I can't put together a better argument against such a proposal than the one proferred by The American Daily.

The Flight 93 National Memorial will be built using federal and state funds -- I say let the half-wit bureaucrats know how you feel about such an abomination. It's not too late to turn this one around.

Lights Out, L.A.!

2005-09-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

A blackout lasting more than an hour hit Los Angeles on Monday afternoon after utility workers screwed the pooch. While more than 2 million people were affected from "downtown west to the Pacific coast and north into the San Fernando Valley," according to the Associated Press, no injuries were reported. The most amazing part is that nobody's blamed Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger or President Bush for the outage.

Schwarzenegger's Hands Tied on Gay Marriage

2005-09-08T13:29:00.000-07:00

While pushers of homesexual marriage claim Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger stabbed them in the back by promising to veto a bogus bill rammed through the legislature, even the Comicle must admit the Guvernator is simply upholding the constitution of the Emboldened State.

But even though the ongoing, misguided legal battle -- sparked by Frisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's lawbreaking move -- is stalled, don't think the gaygenda jihadists' will give up the same-sex wedding war. Their lawyers are already picking at Proposition 22, the "only heterosexuals should eat wedding cake" measure passed overwhelmingly by voters in 2000.

P.S. Everybody knows that nobody loves an inquiry like a liberal. Let's spend a few hundred thousand more dollars figuring out exactly how much Frisco cash nancy-boy Newsom wasted on his fay wedding free-for-all.

SF Alt-Weakly War of Words Continues

2005-08-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

In the latest salvo, SF Weekly sends a note from Bay Guardian publisher (and noted nutcake) Bruce Brugmann to a graphologist for handwriting analysis. Not surprisingly, the words "ego" and "prickly" come up a lot.

Bush Bashers Running on Fumes?

2005-08-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

I almost laughed out loud when I read the Associated Press hit piece with the gaseous headline, "Of All Gas Consumers, Bush May Be Biggest." The joke journalism even works in the following detail, guaranteed to fire up the grass-roots outrage: "Taxpayers still foot the bill."

No duh. We foot the bill for every ride taken by every politico and every bureaucrat as they "work" to "represent" us.

My immediate reaction (after the threat of laughter subsided) was, "Gee, I remember President Clinton and VP Gore making an awful lot of trips out here to the Bay Area during the dot-com boom. Lots of motorcades." Well, hand it to Matt Drudge for dredging up twin blasts from the past: Clinton Set to Double Presidential Travel Record and Global Warming Alert: Gore Burns 439,500 lbs. of Fuel to Attend Summit.

(It's all particularly ironic in light of the SF Comicle story from a couple of days ago bemoaning the fact that Bush hasn't visited the city yet.)

Global Warming Lawsuits a Go

2005-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

Get ready for a flurry of litigation, probably ending with a huge pile of money paid out on the basis of junk science. And dig the dateline on the AP story. It had to be here.

Another Reason Frisco Sucks

2005-08-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hunters Point Naval Shipyard decides it's time for its tenants to move along. That means less space for artists, musicians and others. Bummer, dudes.

Bush Blows Off Frisco

2005-08-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

Shocking news in this Comicle "scoop": President Bush is the first chief exec to shun San Francisco since Calvin Coolidge.

Can anybody blame him?

Possibly more shocking than Bush's extended absence from The City That Forgot How is that the Comicle's story doesn't attack the president, instead quoting levelheaded folks who point out the obvious.

"He'd be crazy to come," said Gladys Hansen, curator of the Museum of the City of San Francisco. "Once, San Francisco was such an attractive city, and everyone was welcome. Today it's not as attractive, and basically you have to be on the 'right' side to be welcomed."

A Hoover Institution fellow continues with the common sense: "The president could announce a cure for cancer, and the pictures would be some protesters from Code Pink trying to put a pie in his face," said Bill Whalen, who wrote speeches for the first President Bush.

Holy Homos! D.C. Dings Gay Bat-Art

2005-08-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

I understand why D.C. Comics wants to put the kibosh on homoerotic Bat-art on display in NYC. But the sad thing is, the threat of legal action against the Kathleen Cullen Fine Arts gallery does nothing but bring the really lame art to the public's attention.

I mean, I never heard of pathetic artist Mark Chamberlain and his way-gay watercolors before, did you? If D.C. hadn't tried to protect the honor of Batman and the Boy Wonder -- along with its intellectual property -- this juvenile "artwork" eventually would have passed, unseen, from the public's eye. That's the problem with the media environment these days: Make a fuss about some kind of jackass "artist" and his latest tacky masterpiece, and all you do is bring more attention to the witless freak.

Nice Try, Terrorist Scum

2005-08-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

Ever hear the old saying, "He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn"? Well, apparently al-Qaida can't hit the wide side of a U.S. warship (or two) with a rocket (or three). The bumbling terrorists fired three Katyusha rockets Friday at a pair of ships, managing only to hit a warehouse, killing one Jordanian soldier (God rest his soul) and wounding a second.

"Zionists are our rightful target," the Keystone Kops al-Qaida affiliate said in a Web site post that claimed responsibility for the failed attack and promised to hit Tel Aviv, Israel. CNN said that it could not confirm the authenticity of the claim.

Meanwhile, another report of Clinton administration bumbling on Osama bin Laden surfaced. White House lawyers apparently told U.S. terror fighters in the 1990s that if they caught the evil bastard, they would have to treat him with kid gloves. "We had to build an ergonomically designed chair to put him in, (for) special comfort in terms of how he was shackled into the chair," said former CIA agent Michael Scheuer, NewsMax.com reports. "They even worried about what kind of tape to gag him with so it wouldn't irritate his beard."

That's better treatment than I get at my job.

How to End Illegal Immigration

2005-08-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

I think I've got the perfect solution on how to deal with the wave of illegal immigrants flooding into the United States from Mexico. We should steal a page from the Mexican government's playbook and start helping people leave our country.

In exchange for allowing hard-working Mexicans (but maybe not terrorist OTMs) into the United States, we should set up a series of launch pads from which we send disaffected liberals south. Of course, we'll have to deviate slightly from the Mexicans' setup: Instead of water and pamphlets on how to avoid capture by the authorities, we'll stock our way stations with brie, Chardonnay and copies of The Communist Manifesto.

We get motivated members of society who see America for what it is: a land of unrivaled opportunity. Mexico gets an influx of overeducated, America-hating feel-good freaks who can start a whining class south of the border. Everybody wins!

It's ACLU vs. Al-Qaida in Insanity Smackdown

2005-08-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

Even as chattering Islamist lunatic Ayman al-Zawahiri spews anti-Western hatred via every terrorist's favorite TV station, the ACLU attacks New York City authorities for conducting searches designed to keep bombs off subways.

Who's crazier, the al-Qaida deputy who accuses the West of stealing Arab oil or the NAMBLA-loving "civil rights group" that says nothing can "justify the police department's unprecedented policy of subjecting millions of innocent people to suspicionless searches"?

If only we could eliminate them all.

Bush: 'We Are at War"

2005-08-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

Although Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and other government officials have been trying to recast America's current situation (and indeed the world's) as a "global struggle against violent extremism," our plainspoken president cuts to the chase and restates the obvious.

"Make no mistake about it, we are at war," President Bush said -- and that's while he's "on vacation" in Texas. It's just one more reason why Bush deserves his place in the White House. God bless his pointy little head.

Bad Guys Get Lucky in Iraq

2005-08-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

It's grim news when those Quran-toting bastards pick off more than a dozen U.S. troops at once. The fallen American heroes apparently were trying to stop the flow of foreign fighters from Syria into the world's largest dung heap. SF Gate's list of dead fighters -- dubbed Portraits of Sacrifice and assembled, I'm sure, for all the wrong reasons -- just got a little longer.

Meanwhile, Reuters reports (but the Pentagon denies) that the "Iraqi insurgents" captured a U.S. Marine. If the sand rebels did manage to bag a U.S. warrior, I wonder if they'll treat the grunt with all the respect we give the Gitmo scumbags?

No Shit! Nugent Rocks the Fillmore

2005-08-03T01:29:00.000-07:00

Liberty freak Ted Nugent took no prisoners when he brought his craveman rock to San Fran Sicko on Tuesday night. The Motor City Madman probably made a few folks mad -- especially the ones who weren't "drunk on freedom" or "stoned on liberty" like Uncle Ted -- but he rocked the hell out of San Fran Sisky's premier patchouli palace.

The only bummer: Terrible Ted did not light up a hippie with a flaming arrow. No true American could help but feel inspired by the huge stars-and-stripes display, though, or by the onstage firepower. Always trust the bug-eyed freaks.

Oakland Snobs Fail -- It's Just So Unfair!

2005-08-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

Need proof that Oakland's tony Piedmont neighborhood has gone to the snobs? Read this tragic tale about a pair of failed yuppies and weep, dear reader, weep.

Weep for the unfulfilled hope of a conveniently located gourmet food market. Weep for the dashed dreams of $8-a-pound pasta salad and organic vegetables nearly as precious as gold. Weep for sad little "hometown couple Chad Olcott and Laura Pochop." I bet they weren't born in Oaktown.

Good News Out of Iraq

2005-08-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

The standard conservative line is that the mainstream media only cover the big booms in Iraq. I agree, but that's pretty much true everywhere -- the old newsroom saw, "If it bleeds, it leads," sums up the situation nicely.

But occasionally an interesting story does exfiltrate out of the war zone: The Associated Press serves up a cool piece on Army Staff Sgt. Dale L. Horn, a Florida soldier who's been named a sheik by Iraqi village leaders. It's a good read.

P.S. For more good news out of Iraq, visit Move America Forward's Truth Tour page. While the loony libs labeled the trip a propaganda campaign, it was really just an effort by a group of right-minded radio talkers to bring to light the righteous efforts of the U.S. military.

SF Gate Shows Its Bias Again

2005-07-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

Check out the hed and dek on the front page of the SF Gate (the San Francisco Chronicle's official Web site): "Very Loud 'No' To Home Depot: Residents tell SF officials exactly how they feel about the plan to open the big box store on Bayshore Blvd."

Then read the paper's story and notice that lots of people showed up to voice their opinions on both sides of the issue. In fact, I'd say the article, by Comicle staffer Cecilia M. Vega, records substantial support for the notion of allowing Home Depot to set up shop in a neglected section of the city that's become a home for urban campers -- it definitely doesn't indicate an overwhelming wave of opposition.

I wasn't at the meeting. It sounds like it was a circus. But what does it tell you when a Web site writes such slanted headlines that they don't even match the stories they flog? (I'm talking about the heds on the Gate's homepage; the ones on the story pages come straight from the Chron.)

As more and more people rely on Web sites for their news coverage rather than subscribing to the dying newspaper, it's frightening to see a "professional" news site with such a blatant bias. It's ridiculously skewed propaganda, even by San Fran Sicko's lapsed standards. If I was a Comicle writer and those Web hacks did that to my story, I'd be pissed.

Russians Know How to Deal With Spammers

2005-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

Mosnews.com blares: Russia's Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment. Aside from the apparent vigilante spam-busting murder by bludgeoning, the amazing thing is the previous onslaughts by "angry Internet users" against the mass e-mailer. Those Russkies aren't quite as polite as CAN-SPAM.

Witness the Blog of a Jackass

2005-07-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

No, not mine. It's Corruption Exposer, the blog of the Berkeley jerk behind the anti-American "artwork" on display in the Sacto DOJ building.

While I stand by my original stance that conservatives shouldn't play the "offensive" card but should instead let smug Stephen Pearcy's ridiculously juvenile self-expression disappear into history's dung heap, I might have been wrong about the "no taxpayer money" bit: Move America Forward claims the fully misguided exhibit is sucking at the public teat. All I know for sure is that it sucks.

Big Cuts Coming at Frisco Chronicle

2005-07-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

Life for the Comicle's ink-stained wretches just got a little more wretched. The Newspaper Guild, the namby-pamby union that represents editorial grunts at the paper, reached a tentative deal Sunday with the failing paper that will cut workers' pay and slash the staff by 120, among other things.

Everybody knows the bloated, undermotivated Comicle staff needs a good strong kick in the ass -- but who knows if this will help. Probably the morale will deteriorate further and the volume of the whining will increase. The big vote is Wednesday.

London Cops Kill Suspected Terrorist

2005-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Eyewitnesses in a London subway watched police pump five rounds into the head of a suspected terrorist who ran from law enforcement officers Friday. The shooting took place on the same day that police released pictures they believe show the four failed bombers responsible for Thursday's keystone cop transit attack.

Note to Muslim whiners and anybody else who wags a disapproving finger at the police: It's not real bright to run from cops in London's subway system right now.

Here in the Bay Area, there's increased security on BART and Muni trains, while in NYC, cops are searching bags.

Meanwhile, suicidal scumbag Mohamed Atta's father praised the July 7 London bombings, and Omar Bakri Mohammed, the extremist cleric who blamed the British government for the suicide attacks, called Muslims who took part in interfaith memorial services "hypocrites and apostates."

"God forbids us from praying with Jews and Christians side by side," the cleric said. "These are part-time Muslims or chocolate Muslims. I cannot be British. I cannot be English. Even if I change my color, like Michael Jackson, I could not be English."

The cleric also said deporting him wasn't the solution to the terror problem. He's right about that. The British police in that subway have the ultimate solution to the terror problem, and they should apply it -- soon -- to any bloody bastard who praises terrorists and their actions. This is war.

Gay Puppet Porn Promotes Greenpeace

2005-07-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

A tawdry viral ad making its way around the Web depicts President Bush and a hideous puppet version of British Prime Minister Tony Blair getting filthy in a cheap hotel room. And I thought Greenpeace was all about saving whales ...

Strike Looms at SF Chronicle

2005-07-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

The San Francisco Bay Guardian seems to have perfected an editorial recipe that's truly magical for advertisers -- the stories are so predictably dull that even die-hard lefties won't read the rag, leaving the ads to shine as the most interesting thing to eyeball while you're on the throne.

No rational person likes (or can believe) warm-and-fuzzy stories about misunderstood beggars. But there's one situation in which the dying weekly excels: When the San Francisco Chronicle's overpaid, underworked and practically brain-dead staffers threaten to strike, the Guardian's the place to read all about it.

While this week's update isn't too exciting, last week the paper ran an article that was actually pretty interesting about Comicle publisher Frank "Darth" Vega's "secret plan to keep the paper publishing even if there's a strike." The story comes complete with a PDF file of a leaked, 17-page, super-double-secret Comicle memo detailing the seige mentality gripping the Hearst paper's top management.

Are you ready for a week without Jon Carroll's column about his cats? Can you handle not reading "Elderpark," "Farley," "All Over Coffee" and "Bad Reporter"? (I know you only read the Comicle for the comics.) Hard to say if the wussies at the The Newspaper Guild will cut bait or fight, but honestly it seems like some fat could be trimmed at the Comicle. The paper claims it's losing $2 million a week now, and that's not chump change, even for Hearst.

Another great thing about the Guardian these days? The SF Weekly's deal with Clear Channel to tack the paper's name onto the Fillmore apparently has gray-beard Guardian publisher Bruce Brugmann excreting clay blocks usually used in the building trades. The thinner-than-ever Guardian double-teamed the "news story about the deal a while ago. And now the Guardian is running full-page house attack ads blaming Clear Channel for everything but John Roberts' bad haircut.

Juvenile 'Art' by Berkeley Jackass Riles GOP

2005-07-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Bush-bashing "artwork" on display in a state Department of Justice building in Sacramento has some California conservatives sounding just like the thin-skinned leftists they so often pooh-pooh.

The Comicle dug up not one but two right-leaning folks who used the "O" word to decry the display of the lousy painting by Berkeley-based lawyer/loon Stephen Pearcy, who earlier in his befuddled life displayed an effigy of a dead soldier and an anti-Bush slogan on his Sacramento home.

The conservatives need to drop the cries of "offensive" outrage and let this crappy artwork disappear into the cesspool of history rather than calling attention to Pearcy's Bush-bashing obsession. At least no public money was spent on this misguided exhibition.

Bay Home Prices Hit New High

2005-07-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

The median price for a (probably shoddily constructed) house in the Bay Area soared to a record $644,000 in June. In San Fran Sicko proper, the median for a single-family home hit $800,000.

Bay Area home buyers' average monthly nut jumped to $2,651 in June compared with $2,450 a year ago, and that sickening increase is surely enough to spread the evil around to all sectors of society. But even as Bayflation continues to hammer everybody with increased costs every time they do anything at all, real estate agents admit the market is cooling slightly, leading certain hopeful "experts" to guess that the bubble won't pop in a devastating replay of the dot-com bust.

Dream on ...

California Minutemen: Patriotism In Action

2005-07-20T00:55:00.000-07:00

The California Minutemen have begun their patrols with the twin aims of keeping illegal immigrants out of the United States and drawing attention to a national problem that's spun out of control.

The "alternative" (that would be socialist) press, of course, rolls out the R word. God, these anti-American whiners are predictable. And their brains? Pure mush.

One group of smart-ass "protesters" baited the Minutemen, with video camera rolling, yelling in the dark at the volunteer border patrollers. (Watch the video and see if you don't want to slap these little pukes, then grab them by their ears and take them back to their mommies for misbehaving.) Another group organized what it called the 2nd Virtual Sit-In Against the Minutemen. You've got to smoke a lot of dope before that makes any sense at all.

Meanwhile, the idea of standing up to stop the flood of illegals is gaining ground in the United States as level-headed Americans engage in the old-fashioned practice of telling the truth: "We are protecting the rights and liberties of American citizens," said June Pirotin, a founding member of Pennsylvanians Against Illegal Immigration. "If you come here legally, that's wonderful. But if you don't, you don't deserve the benefits owed to American citizens."

And it's not about hating immigrants, either -- it's about playing fair. "We love immigrants; we came from immigrants," said Minutemen Project participant Dottie Dalton. "It's the illegals we're trying to stop. Once they cross the line, they've won the lottery -- and we're paying for it."

We Be Teachin' Ebonics

2005-07-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ebonics -- the ridiculous ghetto "slanguage" championed by Oakland's fool school district in the '90s -- could be poised for a comeback in San Bernardino.

"Ebonics is a different language, it's not slang as many believe," said Mary Texeira, a sociology professor at Cal State San Bernardino. "For many of these students Ebonics is their language, and it should be considered a foreign language. These students should be taught like other students who speak a foreign language."

Oddly, Texeira is half right: Students who don't speak English properly should all be taught the same way. Unfortunately, her Rx is wrong. What these students need is English-immersion classes.

Ebonics is the exact opposite of what California's ill-spoken black students need -- it's an official shove into the gutter. And who better to poison a new generation than the politically correct left? This is one game at which the sensitive socialists clearly excel.

California Minutemen Begin Border Patrol

2005-07-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

The California Minutemen group started its lawful patrol of the Emboldened State's southern border Saturday. Predictably, some of the fruitiest loons in the land showed up to do what the leftists do every time a patriot steps up to the plate: They called the Minutemen racists.

The professional activists wasted no time spouting off against the "mom-and-pop patriots":

"They are racist vigilantes, without a doubt," said Enrique Morones, founder of the group Border Angels, which places food, water and clothing for people attempting the treacherous and often deadly passage through the desert along the U.S.-Mexico border. "If they are interested in stopping drugs, they should work on education programs so people don't become addicted to drugs or abuse drugs in the United States. If they are interested in stopping al Qaeda, they should join the National Guard. The military needs people right now."

Yeah, I'm sure this moron is really concerned about the military's staffing needs.

Another misguided true believer, part of a "no borders" group called the Organic Collective (for "Opposing Repression Globally and Nurturing Independent Communities"), piled on with the "R" word.

"There was a question of whether we were playing into the media spectacle, but it is important to confront this en masse and show there are a lot more of us than them and that we won't tolerate this kind of racist action," said Rich Macgurn.

Obviously, the California Minutemen's move to stop the unfettered flow of illegal immigrants into the United States from Mexico goes against Organic's mush-headed, socialist agenda. But does that make the Minutemen racists? Of course not. Unfortunately, reality never stopped a leftist radical from tarring average Americans with one of the magic-arrow words pulled from their politically correct quiver. "Racist" is a great one; "intolerant" is another. They're really geniuses, these name-calling socialists who want to smash the system.

(BTW, Organic's Web site says the group put on a "No Borders workshop at anti-G8 mobilization
in San Francisco," the very same gathering of the gutless that left a Frisco cop in the hospital after masked miscreants attacked him and his partner during a Mission District mini-riot.)

More power to the California Minutemen. Let's hope the Governator sticks by his previous support for these homegrown patriots.

Those Gitmo Guys? Just a Bunch of Harmless Poets

2005-07-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

At least that's the subtext of the Comicle's long feature today on a couple of released detainees who have a fondness for flowery language.

Here's a little except from the story, which is clearly designed to put a human face on the prisoners who are being "tortured" with gourmet meals and puppet shows:

For the major Muslim feast of Eid last year, Dost composed a poem written from the viewpoint of a child of a Guantanamo inmate.

Part of it read: "Eid has come, but my father has not. He is not come from Cuba. I am eating the bread of Eid with my tears. I have nothing. Why am I deprived of the love of my father? Why am I so oppressed?"

When he read it aloud, many of his fellow inmates wept.

Oh, the humanity!

See London's Human Scum

2005-07-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

BBC News has a picture of the four suicide bombers who killed 51 people with their backpack bombs July 7. At least those four filthy fiends have departed the planet for hell. Good riddance.

Bay Bridge Takes Its Toll

2005-07-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

The Governator's pen is poised to sign a new Bay Bridge bill that will add another $1 to all bridge tolls in the San Fran Sicko area except for the Golden Gate.

According to the Comicle, the span is now expected to cost $6.2 billion and could be in place by 2012. Let's see ... that would be 23 years after the 1989 earthquake that left the eastern span of the Bay Bridge structurally compromised. How many people have driven across that thing since then while the Emboldened State's finest bureaucrats bickered?

I'll bet the thing's not even done by 2012 (and it's practically a given that the cost estimate will be off by 20 percent -- guess which way).

Terrorism's Real Root Cause

2005-07-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

While British Prime Minister Tony Blair scratches his head and wonders about terrorism's root causes, Frisco's feeble Comicle focuses on what it calls "the Iraq question": Did Britain's role as U.S. ally in the war on terror in Iraq help "bring about the worst attack on the British mainland since World War II"?

Realists realize the root cause of terrorism: not enough dead terrorists. There's a long list of known Islamic terror scumbags just waiting to be exterminated.

Please, sir, can I have some more? (Dead ones, that is.)

While mush-headed priests claim "there are no Muslim terrorists," some other people tumble to the truth: Moderate Muslims must snitch on the evil, fundamentalist bastards within their midsts. At least the Jerusalem Post gets it.

SF Gate: Even More Biased Than the Comicle

2005-07-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Here's a glaring example of the SF Gate's left-wing bias: The headline on the website's story about the cop who was attacked by "protesting" pukes in the Mission last Friday reads "Glitch Led To Cop's Injury."

The Comicle's story today is all about a communications snafu that left the injured cop and his partner without backup. But you want to know what led to the cop's injury? It wasn't a glitch. It was a bunch of violent neohippies who crossed the line from spouting their anticorporate propaganda to dogpiling a couple of SFPD's finest.

Published accounts say it was 30 "protesters" armed with who knows what against two cops. That's not a fair fight in anybody's book. Next time the police face off against a crowd of masked hooligans, I hope they utilize their target-range practice and dispatch a few of these "anarchists" to Colma.

I Call 'em Terrorists

2005-07-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

After initially calling a spade a spade, the BBC showed its true wussie colors when it whitewashed its original reports to change the word "terrorists" to "bombers."

Note the yellow-bellied language in the Beeb's guidelines, which fret about the stately "news" organization undermining its credibility with straight talk: "The word 'terrorist' itself can be a barrier rather than an aid to understanding," the gutless guidelines say, so the T word is off-limits.

When will the political correctness stop? After the "American Hiroshima" that al-Qaida is reportedly planning? After Western civilization is choked to death because the pacified elites refused to fight, choosing instead to nip at the heels of the U.S. military with insane charges and wringing their hands and trying to understand what America and Britain did to rile the Islamist maniacs?

Michael Savage is right: Liberalism is a mental disorder, and it just might prove fatal.

Bill Clinton Gets It Right

2005-07-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Former President Clinton spoke the magic words in Colorado, saying energy independence is a national security issue. "We've got to make it a national security argument and we've got to make it a jobs argument and we've got to make the price of oil irrelevant," Clinton said, according to the Aspen Times.

Clinton's right: Alternative energy research and production means jobs for Americans and less mad money for crazy Arab regimes bent on time-traveling back to the seventh century.

We put a man on the moon -- why not figure out a way for every single house in America to have a solar panel on top within five years? Of course solar as it exists now won't fulfill all our growing energy needs. But solar and other alternative energy sources could help a lot. The electric companies won't like the look of all those meters spinning backward on sunny days, but screw 'em. It's their turn to take it in the pants.

The ex-president also handicapped Sen. John Kerry's loss in the 2004 presidential election, saying Democrats dropped the ball by concentrating on campaigning in cities.

"My advice is, get on a bus and go to rural Ohio," Clinton said. "You can't win an election in this country unless you talk to people who you think aren't for you."

The only problem with that scenario? Bloo-blood Kerry couldn't connect with a corn farmer if his life depended on it. Call rural Buckeyes in bib overalls hicks if you want, but they're smarter than they look. And they can smell a liberal elitist from a mile away. (Remember the goose that cooked Kerry in Ohio?)

Template for the Ultimate Nanny State

2005-07-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

Just in case you need a reminder of why European Union-style "let's all work it out" megabureaucracy sucks: The EU busybodies are currently getting their frilly panties in a twist over noise pollution. EU member states -- including Britain, France, Italy and eight more -- that don't comply face legal action.

"The EU's objective is to substantially reduce the number of people in Europe affected by noise by 2012," an EU commissioner told Reuters. "To reach this objective, it is crucial that all member states implement the agreed measures."

Personally, I think maybe the Brits and the other Europeans who are fighting off a Muslim invasion probably have bigger fish to fry.

Blood Clot Menaces Injured Frisco Cop

2005-07-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Those mask-wearing anarchist "protesters" -- who trashed part of the Mission District last Friday in their misguided effort to stick it to the man -- could face charges of attempted lynching, malicious mischief, battery to a police officer, aggravated assault on a police officer with a deadly weapon and willful resistance to a police officer that results in serious bodily injury.

The injured SFPD officer is in serious but stable condition with brain swelling at San Francisco General Hospital, according to the Comicle.

Two of the three jerk-offs arrested are imports from the Bay Area's groovier regions: Berkeley and Santa Cruz County. (The third refuses to ID himself.) While these types of scruffy, incoherent bastards usually just sit around the ol' campfire railing against everything the Bush administration does (and trying to score some of that sweet neo-hippie poontang by letting loose with their faux macho anti-establishment ravings), they're usually not too dangerous.

But maybe they've learned something from the gutless suicide bombers in Iraq: It ain't that difficult to maim people. I just hope the Frisco PD learned something as well -- these hippy-dippy leftists aren't as harmless as they look. Maybe next time, the cops will emerge from their cars with guns a-blazin'.

Frisco Anarchist Punks Attack Cops

2005-07-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

Marching, sign-toting anarchists attacked SFPD officers, burned flags and trash, broke business windows and generally caused a mess in the Mission District last night during a protest against the G-8 summit under way in Scotland. One cop suffered a serious head injury, according to the Comicle's report.

San Francisco Bay Area Indymedia has a full report (from the perspective of the anarchist assholes, of course). The following snippet helps give some insight into the ludicrous "thought processes" of these confused, neo-hippie scumbags:

Jul. 8th 11:23pm: After live coverage, reflections on demonstrations were discussed on Enemy Combatant Radio. Initially, some questioned choice of neighborhood if goal was to attack symbols of capitalism. If goal was to build solidarity in one of SF's least wealthy neighborhoods, some express concern about effectiveness. Some wonder why police disappeared for so long after initial heavy presence and doubt that would have happened in Financial District. Most pleased at unity of protesters and note they saw mostly banks and large corporate chains and businesses that represent gentrification attacked which is not violation of community. Community cheered on protesters earlier in demonstration when demonstrators continued to take the streets but possibly became somewhat afraid later as things escalated with police.

Let it be known that Frisco's cops are the gentlest in the land. Just try to get arrested for something -- they're like camp counselors. Perhaps if the SFPD busted a few heads or maybe even drew their guns and put some of these mad dogs down, I wouldn't have to look at pictures of a bloody cop on a dingy gray Saturday morning in the sickest city in America.

I'm sure most of these professional protesters don't really want anarchy, anyway -- if the government collapsed, who would sign their dole checks?

Alt-Weakly Pissing Match

2005-07-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing like watching a pathetic hippie rag like the Gay Buardian get its panties in a twist over a deal cut by its chief competitor. The dull-as-dirt graybeard alternative weekly -- which has slimmed in recent years like an AIDS patient with wasting disease -- smells a conspiracy in its chief competitor's deal with Bill Graham Presents to name the crappy Warfield theater the SF Weekly Warfield for the next three years.

The story's got all the key ingredients for a Guardian series: big corporations (Clear Channel and New Times, SF Weekly's owner), a villain already known to the patchouli-scented set (Clear Channel, which is third only to Halliburton and Hetch-Hetchy on the Guardian's hate radar), a conspiracy aimed at robbing the righteous ("BGP has pulled all of its ads from the Bay Guardian this week," the alt-weakly whined), and a personal grudge (the Weekly's been eating the Guardian's lunch for years now).

I'm as sickened by the nauseating wave of corporate sponsorship of well-known venues as the next guy. (Monster Park? Please.) But it's going to be quite entertaining to watch this little stink patch grow -- especially if the Weekly keeps tweaking the Guardian with juvenile columns.

Diary of a Madman

2005-07-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

Get ready for the best of bin Laden: New York-based Verso Books is prepping to publish the insane ravings of Osama bin Laden (pox be upon his name) under the title, Messages to the World.

Message to the publisher and to Bruce Lawrence, the Islamic scholar from Duke University who translated and edited the poisonous tome and praises bin Laden's twisted prose as "actually quite dazzling": Drop dead, dumbasses. You're aiding and abetting a mass murderer, and helping spread the seeds of Islamic hate.

Back in the Gay Area

2005-07-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

I've been out of town for a while, enjoying a part of this great country where summer is hot and people are polite. They even spoke English!

While I didn't keep up with Gay Area news while I was gone, the following headline -- blaring from the pile of aging Comicles that greeted me upon my return -- did catch my eye: MOTORISTS TO DIG DEEPER FOR SOARING NEW BAY BRIDGE.

Lucky us. Bridge tolls in and around San Fran Sicko will skyrocket to $4 (and even higher) sooner than Caltrans officials and the Emboldened State's proven budgeting losers predicted. (Actually, I guess they're not losers. They've still got their jobs, and their fat paychecks, and their old-school pension plans. Me, I've got a bottom line that just got harder to make.)

I'm also glad to see the BART workers didn't go on strike, I guess, although their deal still sounds excessively sweet: They get 7 percent pay increases (on top of their already enormous salaries, not to mention the outrageous overtime swindle), and their monthly health care contributions jump from $25 to $75 per month. I guess the BART fare increases will come barrelling down the tracks sooner rather than later.

Bush Ain't So Bad, Rockers Say

2005-06-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Boomtown Rat-turned-charity concert promoter Bob Geldof tumbles to the ludicrous nature of left-wing mental mimeographs' nonstop "Bush is bad" routine. In today's tiresome us-against-them political climate, the Bush bashers -- both here and abroad -- refuse to give any credit where it's due, truth be damned. And God forbid that anybody would think for themselves.

"Today I had to defend the Bush administration in France again," Geldof told Time. "They refuse to accept, because of their political ideology, that he has actually done more than any American president for Africa. But it's empirically so."

And failed commie folkie Billy Bragg slagged U2 frontman Bono just for talking to the U.S. architect of the war on terror. "Bono is prepared to sit down and talk directly with George Bush in his territory," Bragg whined to Contactmusic.com. "He has put his credibility on the line."

Meanwhile, lefty loon rocker Sinead O'Connor picked on Bush's across-the-pond analogue, British Prime Minister Tony Blair. "I think you risk losing your credibility by going to a party at Downing Street," she told the Internet music publication. "I would draw a line at drinking wine and eating cheese with the Prime Minister."

Yeah ... pass the Kool-Aid instead.

Gitmo Is for Wussies

2005-06-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

Sleepless nights, loud music, "invasion of space by female," puppet shows -- the U.S. military's treatment of the alleged "20th hijacker" at Guantanamo Bay sounds like a great weekend in college. (OK, maybe not the puppet shows.) Time magazine's press release about its Gitmo interrogation scoop and its excerpts from an interrogation log give a fair number of details about the frankly kid-gloved treatment of alleged terrorist Mohammed al-Qahtani (known as "Detainee 063").

Honestly, I think the military should start advertising Gitmo weekends in the sleazy back pages of the Gay Buardian and other San Fran Sicko weeklies. Imagine the ads: "Enjoy a balmy weekend of light bondage and minimal degradation in an exclusive tropical location!" The Army could probably rake in enough cash to raise GIs' pay and put an end to its recruiting woes.

Reach for Your Wallets Again, Bay Area

2005-06-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

It's the California Rx: just charge the little people a little more every day for the rest of their lives. Skyrocketing Bay Area bridge tolls will soar another dollar by 2007 (for the math-challenged, that's a 33 percent hike) so we can have our "pretty bridge," the Comical reports. So you'll pay $4 every time you cross any Bay Area bridge except the Golden Gate, where the toll already sits at $5 a pop. You'll get your "signature" span, but you'll pay the increased price in perpetuity, even when you drive over those ugly ones far away from San Fran Sicko proper.

These days, they don't even promise to roll back the fee after the project at hand is paid off like they did when the Golden Gate bridge was being built. No, in this enlightened century, when no public works get done very quickly or very well, you'll pay, your kids will pay, your grandkids will pay, etc. Meanwhile, the Emboldened State bureaucrats and glassy-eyed dealmakers who saddle us with these soaring costs will get free lifetime bridge passes and retire with fat pensions.

By the way, this is probably just a trial balloon: I'm betting the fee will actually jump $2 on all the bridges before 2007, leaving already-beaten-down victims of Bayflation paying $7 for the Golden Gate and $5 for everything else.

Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Returns!

2005-06-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Holy shades of Hillary's paranoia, Batman! The right-wingers are at it again! At least that's what Senate Minority Whip Richard J. Durbin says as he fumbles and scolds in an attempt to downplay DNC chief Howard Dean's insane ramblings. "The right wing has got the agenda moving," Durbin said, according to the Washington Times. "Fox (News) and everybody's got the agenda. It's all about Howard Dean. You've bought into it. You can't let up on it. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves."

Let's just pretend for a moment that Durbin's right, that somehow the Republicans dictate the moves of the almost-all-liberal media. (And let's not argue about who really makes up the mainstream press -- I swim in that particular cesspool and have for decades, and I can tell you it's practically all loony left, all the time.)

Even if Durbin had uncovered a secret conservative media cabal that pulled all the reporting-and-editing puppets' strings, would he be helping smooth over the Dean scene by bringing it up and ensuring it lives another day in the headlines? The truly paranoid might theorize that Durbin's rant is a thinly disguised gambit designed to help a White House-hungry Hillary paint herself as a moderate as compared to the likes of Dean.

All day long I think of things, but nothing seems to satisfy ...

Kerry's Ds Stand for Deluded

2005-06-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Did you catch the Boston Globe scoop on Sen. John Kerry's not-exactly-brilliant scholastic record at Yale? If the photo of Kerry as student doofus isn't enough reason to click to the Globe's story, the way the paper strains to tweak the truth -- that Kerry's grades were actually lower than President Bush's -- should prove amusing to anybody who favors the truth.

Guess the fact that Kerry did worse than Bush -- who the loony left loves to paint as a stuttering subnormal -- just doesn't fit with the official left-wing worldview that the spectacular Democrat failure is a brainy sophisticate who knows what's best for all the rest of us.

Kerry's written response to Globe questions about his underwhelming record serves as a sad reminder of why and how the East Coast elitist blew the last election. "I always told my Dad that D stood for distinction," Kerry wrote, displaying the same kind of pathetic attempt at humor that just doesn't show that certain spark of soul that Americans yearn for, whether they'll admit it or not.

Howard Dean Turns Blamethrower

2005-06-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

The lunatic howl continues to stream from Howard Dean's generally pursed lips. While he came across as something of a straight talker during his failed presidential campaign, as chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Dean has been spewing nothing but lies and anti-Republican vitriol.

The Comical admits in its dek that "even some Democrats weary of Dean's blunt style," and then proceeds to reprint some of the DNC chairman's boldest lies. (My personal favorite: Illegal immigrants "haven't broken any laws." Uh, come again?)

His latest dose of daftness? Dean said Republicans "all behave the same, and they all look the same.... It's pretty much a white Christian party." This absurd blast comes on the heels of his charge last week that Republicans "never made an honest living in their lives."

Well, Howard, have you ever met a redneck farmer who's sick of specialized "gay rights"? Ever ventured out of San Francisco's tony dining establishments to talk with Central Valley business owners tired of being taxed to near death to fund ridiculous social programs? Ever heard of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Labor Secretary Elaine Chao or Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice? Ever been to Texas?

Dean's pinched worldview -- shared by so many of the "elite" bicoastal liberals who sneer as they talk of the frightening rubes who inhabit "fly-over country" -- is what will keep the Democratic Party in the blue loser's corner.

Keep up the good work, Howard.

Quran Scam Quntinues

2005-06-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's big news (and I mean REALLY BIG NEWS) at The New York Times (and the SF Comical) that the Pentagon uncovered five instances in which military guards or interrogators mishandled the Quran at Guantánamo Bay -- sometimes intentionally!

Plow all the way through this BIG! FRONT-PAGE! STORY! -- which just happens to get picked up by every news rag in the nation, and probably the world -- and you'll discover that the military's investigation found three times as many cases of Gitmo detainees themselves mishandling the Muslim holy book. Funny, that finding doesn't get reflected in the headlines or shouted from the rooftops by the rabid anti-American ranters, who must be patting themselves on the back right now as they cluck about the "evil empire" known as the United States of America. No, that little detail gets buried in the third paragraph from the end.

And those right-wing conspiracy nuts say there's a left-wing media bias ...

NOTE: "What's up with the Q's?," you might ask. Well, from this day forward San Fran Sicko will comply with Associated Press style for the spelling of "Quran." How embarrassing to have used a K up until this point.

Racy 49ers Video Gets Frisco's Sensitive Goat

2005-06-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Let's see -- the San Francisco 49s PR guy throws together a private videotape designed to amuse a bunch of football players while also teaching them how to deal with the media in an overly sensitive city that's up to its gills in diversity police. Guess the lesson has been learned: Political correctness rules this town, and anybody who makes a joke (except about Christians or Bush or rednecks or any of those "safe to abuse" minorities) will be metaphorically tarred and feathered.

The nancy-boy mayor calls the video "reprehensible" and acts like somebody got physically bludgeoned: "It wasn't right to do it to the Asian community, particularly the Chinese community," said Mayor Gavin Newsom. "It was wrong to do it to the gay and lesbian community. It was wrong to exploit women as they were exploited in this video. The video is reprehensible."

And, more to be feared, the all-caps perversity squad (you know, the folks who back the Folsom Street Fair's public nudity and floggings, and think NAMBLA is getting a raw deal) steps up to the plate (oops, wrong sport) to slam the video in the same KTVU.com story:

Leaders of the city's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender community weren't satisfied by the many apologetic statements issued by the team Wednesday. They claimed the video fits a pattern of discrimination within the 49ers organization that dates to homophobic comments by former 49ers running back Garrison Hearst in 2002, and demanded that team officials meet with leaders of the communities demeaned in the video.

"The 49ers benefit from their relationship with the city," said Thom Lynch, president of the SF LGBT Center, "but they have responded by belittling and ridiculing the diversity of the city."

Unfortunately, SFGate's video clips crapped out before I could see the whole damned thing, but from eyeballing the first few segments, I can tell you the video contained the kind of sophomoric gutter humor so rampant in the entertainment world today. The kind of half-lame humor you'd see in any comedy club or on Comedy Central on a Tuesday night.

While the team's owners apologize and the experts warn of the danger of breeding unacceptable behavior, it figures that the bulked-up football players -- who most of the so-called elites who run this unfair city would probably pooh-pooh for being as stupid as any other dead American patriot -- seem to be the only ones with the brains to sort this matter out:

"It wasn't meant to harm anybody or be any kind of negative message at all," said linebacker Julian Peterson. "It was supposed to be an in-house thing."

Imagine that -- a big, beefy footballer with the brains to call the video what it is: locker-room humor for testosterone-fueled sports professionals. The 49s should find the weasel who leaked the video to the Chronicle and leave him or her in the team shower alone for 10 minutes before the next practice.

Those Wily Terrorists

2005-05-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

What a relief -- Jordanian scumbag Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi says he's A-OK and back in Iraq, ready to "tear apart the crusaders and fighting the enemies of the Book and the religion." Pretty good propaganda: Brings up the whole Koran fondling brouhaha and keeps his terrorist mug on the blogs. (Dude, what's with the do-rag?)

Meanwhile, the Washington Times reports that al-Qaida trains its terror operatives to level claims of torture once they've been captured by the real holy warriors -- soldiers from the United States, Britain and any other freedom-loving country with the backbone to throw these bloody bastards into the brig and keep 'em there. The terror tactic plays right into the hands of suckers like the American Snivel Liberties Union, the civil rights group that's degenerated into an almost full-time source of anti-American spin. At least Bush has the balls to call the claims of abuse at Gitmo absurd.

These radical Islamists know how to use the United States' freedoms against us, and God knows they will do whatever it takes to drag us down. But I do find common cause with Zarqawi on one thing: When he says, "We will either win or die trying," I see an opportunity to work together. Let's crank up the martyr machine and give these unholy menaces what they want.

Memorial Day Salute

2005-05-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here's to America's soldiers -- past, present and future -- who serve to help keep this country safe and strong. Without you, the world would be a far different and much uglier place. While the half-bright whiners and radical-left nitwits of the world complain, the U.S. military conducts itself with honor in spite of the insanely politically correct environment in which members of the armed services must do their righteous work.

Here's to many jobs well done by the military men and women who are making a difference in the world. True Americans thank you for your service.

(Want to show your support for the troops? Send them cookies, coffee and jerky through Move America Forward.)

As for the idiot ideologues who would prosecute Marines for killing terrorists in self-defense and compare Guantánamo to a gulag: No Memorial Day burgers for you.

Here Comes the White Whine

2005-05-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Guantánamo Bay detainees claimed their guards engaged in "disrespectful handling of the Koran," the New York Times reports. The newly released documents, turned over by the FBI to that great protector of pedophiles, the American Civil Liberties Union, note that the accusations were made in 2002 and 2003, and the sloppy headlines are streaming across the Web, trying to connect the dots and claim this new information means Newsweek's unfortunate, bogus report was on the money after all.

Now here's the important part: Who the hell cares?

I can already hear the Air America whiners: "Newsweek was right! Newsweek was right!!! The military is evil! BUSH IS HITLER!!!" I still say my modest proposal would help us finish the real task at hand.

Even the Washington Post can see through the ACLU's portrayal of Guantánamo as an "American gulag." The worm is turning for the pampered, leftist, America-bashing elite -- the red blood in citizens' veins has boiled for too long, and the lost-its-mind left is more irrelevant today than ever. Good riddance.

Frisco Hobos on the Move

2005-05-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Could it be that the Chronicle is moving to the right? A Sunday article about the city's migrating street people doesn't paint the hard-core hobos as the city's ultimate victims. Instead, it points out that -- at least for some homeless people -- living on the streets is a lifestyle choice.

More shocking is the revelation that the bums' way of life actually affects other people adversely. A city resident quoted in the article who calls an influx of professional hobos into his neighborhood "disgusting" goes on to paint a true picture of just how bad things can get for people who choose to live in homes rather than on the sidewalks. "We shouldn't have to put up with people peeing and crapping in the bushes right outside our houses, leaving trash in our front yards," Tom Lloyd Butler.

While the story dutifully paraphrases statements from "homeless advocates" (and who would advocate being homeless, really?), the piss-and-vinegar quotes come from normal people irritated by the presence of chronic street dwellers. And, amazingly, one of the homeless even admits that San Francisco's insane tolerance for letting people push around stolen shopping carts and live under highways is a big part of the problem:

"I'm waiting for the carpentry season to start, and then I'm out of here," said George Evans around midnight, peering up from beneath a blanket on the truck seat. "But for now, where else can I go? They don't let us park downtown, I can't panhandle without getting some cop in my face, and every other city would just throw me in jail."

Get it? Enforce the laws, and the "homeless problem" will disappear.

Saying 'So Long' to the Loony Left

2005-05-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

Bay Area writer Keith Thompson captures the lunacy of the left in a fine San Francisco Chronicle opinion piece headlined "Leaving the Left." Thompson's three-decade journey from true progressive (for all the right reasons) to lockstep liberal to actual thinking individual sounds mighty familiar to me.

I recognize many of the signposts: The left's hostile, depressive attitude toward democracy in Iraq. Their greedy civilian casualty counts in Afghanistan. Their misguided praise of the "courage" of the al-Qaida terror pilots. Their inability to call mass murderers "evil," while continually using that word (and plenty of other, nastier ones) to describe President Bush.

I look forward to reading more work by Thompson. It's encouraging to see other Bay Area writers express sentiments similar to mine.

Will NEA Fund 'Piss Koran'?

2005-05-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Has the U.S. military gone mental? As Newsweek follows up on its Koran toilet talk fiasco, the disgraced newsweekly reports on some absolutely hideous allegations of Koran abuse:

In fewer than a dozen log entries from the 31,000 documents reviewed so far, said (Defense Department spokesman Lawrence) Di Rita, there is a mention of detainees' complaining that guards or interrogators mishandled their Qur'ans. In one case, a female guard allegedly knocked a Qur'an from its pouch onto the detainee's bed. In another alleged case, said Di Rita, detainees became upset after two MPs, looking for contraband, felt the pouch containing a prisoner's Qur'an. While questioning a detainee, an interrogator allegedly put a Qur'an on top of a TV set, took it off when the detainee complained, then put it back on. In another alleged instance, guards somehow sprayed water on a detainee's Qur'an. This handful of alleged cases came out of thousands of daily interactions between guards and prisoners, said Di Rita. None has been substantiated yet, he said.

Man, those U.S. interrogators are getting out of hand -- placing a Koran on a TV set!

Maybe it's time for a little reminder: Islamic extremists are cutting off civilians' heads with video cameras rolling and gleefully mutilating corpses. And the so-called Arab street goes bonkers when somebody says a Koran got dropped in a toilet or a prisoner's prayer pouch got touched? Obviously, it's time for the gloves to come off, and here's a simple plan:

The National Endowment for the Arts locates talented, antireligious "performance artists" and ships them to Cuba. (The trust-fund socialist performers will jump at an opportunity to visit the workers' paradise for free.) On the flight down, the "artists" get pumped full of beer -- maybe Coors or Budweiser could sponsor this -- and, upon disembarking, they go directly to Guantánamo, where they get paired up with problem inmates, one artist per extremist. Just outside the Islamists' cells, the artists can tell a few Mohammad jokes (they can just substitute "the Prophet" for "Jesus" in their current routines, being sure to add "pox be upon him" after every mention of the founder of the religion of peace). Then they empty their stretched bladders directly onto a pile of Korans. If anybody acts up, hose 'em down with a blast from a water cannon.

Enough sensitivity training for our soldiers. Panty hats and gay-fantasy pyramids at Abu Ghraib? Touching an inmates' Koran? Big deal. This is war. War is ugly. Get used to it, and break the backs of the enemy using any means necessary. The only other option is defeat.

Kill 'em All -- Let Allah Sort 'em Out

2005-05-21T01:34:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's the Budweiser talking, but I say bring on the Daisy Cutters. When you get a load of Islamic extremists on London streets calling for the bombing of New York, maybe it's time to fire up the Warthogs and drop the big bombs on the sickened, heathen crowds. Here's what these adherents of the "religion of peace" chanted on British streets as they burned U.S. and U.K. flags: "USA watch your back, Osama is coming back," and "Kill, kill USA, kill, kill George Bush," and "Bomb, bomb New York," and "George Bush, you will pay, with your blood, with your head."

These people, who were apparently whipped into their frenzy by the bogus Newsweek story about allegedly desecrated Korans, are brilliant and obviously reasonable. God help us all.

Islamic Hate Speech -- and a Proper Palestinian Response

2005-05-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

A Palestinian official called Wednesday for the suspension of a Muslim cleric who spat venomous anti-Semitic bile during a televised Gaza Strip sermon last week.

Here's the malevolent message that issued from the mosque:

"The entire Islamic nation was lost because Israel is a cancer spreading through the body of the Islamic nation, and because Jews are a virus resembling AIDS, from which the entire world suffers," said cleric Ibrahim Mdaires, who also launched into a Holocaust-denial rant.

I've never been to the Middle East (though I hail from the Middle West). But from what I've read, this kind of Islamic hate speech isn't a rarity. It is, however, always shocking. The Palestinian Authority's condemnation of this radical bastard's blatantly anti-Israeli message -- and its commitment to keeping this kind of incitement off the air -- is an important step toward ending the insane cycle of violence. Let's hope the PA follows through, and that other sane Muslims take similar steps to exterminate the poisonous worldview that can only lead to death.

No, Really, It's a Religion of Peace

2005-05-19T13:45:00.000-07:00

As Muslims swarm into Europe, shocked Westerners get a true taste of Islamic fanaticism. And it doesn't taste like knockwurst. Just read this eye-opening story from Der Spiegel, "The Death of a Muslim Woman: 'The Whore Lived Like a German,'" about six Muslim women murdered in Berlin in the past half-year by relatives ashamed of the the females' newfound Western ways.

Such so-called honor killings are just part of the outrage. The fanatics are still blowing up innocents all over Iraq, and the Palestinians haven't exactly forsaken terror. Meanwhile, Muslim pressure groups like the Canadian Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR-CAN) continue to deny that there's a problem, instead focusing on campaigns to censure anybody who calls a spade a spade, hounding truth-tellers with accusations of "Islamophobia."

I'm certain there are plenty of moderate Muslims out there. I just don't hear many of them stepping up to denounce the acts of the murderous bastards who shed blood in the name of Allah. Maybe they're just afraid of a Salman Rushdie-style death fatwa.

Minutemen Coming to California's Border

2005-05-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

The border-patrol experiment worked in Arizona, so now it's heading for the Emboldened State in August, according to The Washington Times. The new volunteer effort to stem the tide of illegal immigrants flowing into the United States will be a joint mission between the Minuteman Project and the Friends of the Border Patrol. It's also the beginning of an effort to create a nationwide network of civilians to help do the job the government can't (or simply won't) do, according to Minuteman Project organizer James Gilchrist, who lives in Aliso Viejo, Calif.

This could be the start of something big. (And the whining has already started: A group of religious leaders says that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's straight talk about securing the nation's borders is poisoning the debate and creating "a climate of fear" that makes workers less productive -- which is just about the wackiest defense of illegal immigration I've ever heard.)

All Rain, No Shine Makes SF Sicko Sad

2005-05-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

It's mid-May. And it won't stop raining in the Bay Area. And Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says he'll block casinos in the Emboldened State's urban areas. For this I'm paying extra? I want my money back.

What's a poor boy to do? Read the news. And weep for the sad, sad Muslim woman who bought a "desecrated" Koran on Amazon.com. SFGate is, of course, playing it up, but this quote and the whole situation frankly sounds bogus to me:

"I dropped the book because I didn't know what to do," said Azza Basarudin, 30, at a news conference at the Islamic Center of Southern California. "I was paralyzed after 9/11 -- I couldn't leave my house for a couple of weeks -- and I realized that fear was coming back."

I'm not saying the woman is a liar, like the loony teen lesbo who caused all the problems up in Marin. But this fable of intolerance does ring the ol' alarm bell.

Pave the Arab Street

2005-05-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

Newsweek runs an item claiming that American guards at Guantánamo Bay flushed a copy of the Koran down a toilet in an attempt to intimidate alleged terrorists, and a bunch of rabid Muslims hit the streets (or ruts or whatever), rioting and killing more than a dozen people in Afghanistan. The newsweekly flips and flops for awhile, running a halfhearted editor's note and eventually issuing a full-fledged retraction under fire, and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice calls the alleged incident (the toilet torture, not the media mess) "abhorrent":

"Disrespect for the Holy Koran is not now, nor has it ever been, nor will it ever be, tolerated by the United States," Rice said. "We honor the sacred books of all the world's great religions. Disrespect for the Holy Koran is abhorrent to us all."

Well, maybe, but nobody apologized to Christians when the National Endowment for the Arts funded Piss Christ (and nobody died in any riots because of that sacrilegious bit of "art"). I just love the way people pushing the "Islam is a religion of peace" lie (why are they always liberals -- like President Bush?) continually resort to the same old antireligious saw: "Well, you know how those religious zealots are!" -- the implication being that Bible-thumping Baptists are in the same league with people who fly planes into skyscrapers on purpose.

The truth is, I do know about Christians, and Jews, and just about every other religion that's been updated for a post-Renaissance reality: The Inquisition was a drag, but about the worst you get these days is a bunch of crazy Christians in a clapboard church somewhere in the South, handling snakes and jibbering in tongues nobody can understand. They're not a threat to civilized society. People yelling "Allahu Akhbar!" as they cut off an innocent hostage's head in front of a video camera? That's a noteworthy threat, and a pretty sudden departure from the peace path.

I think what we have here is a missed opportunity. Line up a thousand toilets, dunk a thousand Korans, and webcast the whole thing. When the Arab extremists take to the streets -- shouting "Death to America!" and burning U.S. flags -- call in the gunships and let's get this over with. But then, I'm a problem-solver.

The Other 'L' Word

2005-05-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

A series of "gay-bashing" hoaxes at Tamalpais High School was staged by a 17-year-old female student described by police as a top athlete and leader of the school's Gay-Straight Alliance, the Marin Independent Journal reports.

The misguided girl, who claimed she was targeted by anti-gay slogans scrawled on her car and locker and that she had eggs thrown at her, was suspended and lost her "athlete of the year" award.

"She confessed to everything," said Bob Ferguson, district school superintendent. The teen could face expulsion and possible criminal prosecution.

While the original coverage of the incidents whipped up a firestorm of hand-wringing media coverage in the Bay Area, the San Francisco Chronicle only manages an Associated Press version of the damning denouement. Guess a lying, teenaged gay propagandist doesn't fit with the Comicle's constant support of the gaygenda. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Free Target Practice for Gang Members

2005-05-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

It's rare you'll find me calling for a new entitlement program. But if the San Francisco police can't run the city's gang-banging bastards into the ground, and the district attorney won't go for the death penalty when street thugs gun down cops, maybe it's time to offer these criminals free time on the shooting range. Let's make drive-by shootings more successful -- nothing thins out a gangs' ranks faster than a few well-publicized funerals.

The best part about making gang members better shots is that their bullets will be more likely to land in other gang members' bodies, and fewer innocent bystanders will fall victim to these malignant sons of bitches who apparently can't shoot straight. In a more reasonable time, they would have been strung up from the nearest post. But in today's thumb-sucking, "everyone's a victim" society, maybe we just need to take a different tack: These poor gang members just haven't had the right opportunities! Society owes them on-the-job training, and taxpayers should be ready and willing to foot the bill!

You can sign me up for donations -- and I'll also support training for a new wave of gravediggers. Get your range training now, you gang-banging scumbags. Colma awaits!

Another Reason to Be Proud: SF Hosts 'Whore College'

2005-05-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

If the city's leftist leaders, obscene taxes and crumbling infrastructure weren't enough to curdle my worldview, today's dose of "only in San Fran Sicko" nuts-and-sluts news would do the trick: Baghdad by the Bay hosted a "Whore College" in conjunction with the San Francisco Sex Worker Film and Arts Festival.

The event -- designed to help normalize the "sex worker" trade -- put a positive spin on the oldest profession. The most pathetic person quoted in the Associated Press article? An Arizona hooker with two kids who describes her descent into whoredom as "personal self-discovery." And yes, she says, her kids know what she does for a living.

The Whore College included tips for turning tricks from experts in the exceedingly seedy field, and after a full day of "training," participants received their GSWs -- diplomas that indicate they are "graduates in sex work." (Try putting that one on your resume.)

As usual, perversity and degradation is swaddled in the liberals' mind-numbed mantra of precious diversity. "Sex work is work," said event organizer Carol Leigh. "Prostitution is work. The most important thing is that we are diverse."

Burger King Is a Peeper

2005-05-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

Seen the new Burger King TV ad for the Enormous Omelet Sandwich? It's creepy as hell (and I'm not talking about the gooey nutritional disaster that lurks between the two halves of the bun).

In this stunning commercial, a guy hears a knocking at his window and opens the blind to find the Burger King peering into his house, decked out in his regal outfit with a dopey grin and a toxic breakfast.

I live on the second floor so, luckily, this scenario ain't gonna play out for me. But if I lived in a ranch-style house in some sunny suburb and I looked out and spotted that royal retard on my lawn, I'd either call the cops or go for my shotgun. BK should have left well enough alone and stayed with the Subservient Chicken, which is a whole different kind of creepy -- the good kind.

Schwarzenegger's Minuteman Moment

2005-04-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

So, Arnie gets on the airwaves and uncorks some common sense -- that Mexicans (and whoever else happens to be in Mexico) shouldn't be allowed to flow into California completely unfettered -- and the Chron's political hacks frame the Guvernator as a Pete Wilson wannabe.

Saying Schwarzenegger's embrace of the Minuteman Project patriots is just a political ploy, and comparing it to Wilson's attachment to Prop. 187 (which Californians approved but activist judges predictably overturned), the Chron digs up a dire warning from Harry Pachon of the Tomas Rivera Policy Institute, which is described as USC's "Latino issues think tank."

Schwarzenegger "is treading in a minefield," Pachon says. But rational Americans might do well to ignore Pachon's dire warning. Average, tolerant Californians -- black, white, brown, yellow, red and green around the gills -- are sick and tired of the hard-left extremists running this state into the ground. They're sick of state government spending that outpaced the dot-com boom. They're tired of schools pushing multilingual education while turning out students who can't read any language. They're pissed about nonstop pro-gay propaganda. Mostly, they're tired of being told what to do by misguided professional do-gooders who never worked an honest day in their lives. They've turned the other cheek for too long, and they're ready to toss the money changers from the temple.

Buckle up, Californians: It's revolution time in the Emboldened State, and the anti-illegal groundswell isn't going away any time soon.

My Kind of Terror Attacks

2005-04-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

Two veiled women shoot up a tour bus and a terror suspect blows himself up with a nail bomb in Egypt. What's so great about that, you ask? All three of the terrorists bit the dust, and the seven innocent victims were only wounded. (Authorities also collared two other terror suspects.) Three down, thousands to go.

Minutemen for California?

2005-04-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger ups the ante on illegal immigration, first by repeating his praise for Minuteman Project volunteers, then by saying -- through an aide -- that he would welcome similar citizen border patrols in the Emboldened State.

Let the liberal whining begin! While worry-wart Dem politicians talk about the border region being too dangerous for ordinary, untrained people to patrol, the leftist groups that earn their gold by "protecting the rights" of illegals (and terrorists, and perverts, etc.) immediately play the race card. One example: "Gov. Schwarzenegger has stooped and catered to the worst sentiments of division, fear and racism," said Mark Silverman, director of immigration policy for the Immigrant Legal Resource Center.

Is anybody else tired of these predictable freaks? Nobody's more racist (i.e., race-focused) than the professional anti-American extremists who are so quick to tar anybody who actually suggests enforcing a law they don't like. And the namby-pamby lawmakers who express such concern about the danger to unarmed volunteers performing "neighborhood watch"-style surveillance on the California-Mexico line could do one thing immediately that would help ensure the border patriots' safety: Let them carry guns.

Want a return to polite society? Let us all carry concealed weapons. Funny how the gun-grabbers first try to outlaw weapons, then talk about how dangerous life is without them. Yeah, real funny. I'm laughing all the way to the sporting goods store, where I can buy a still-legal (and extremely lethal) Louisville Slugger.

Bay Area Hidden Treasure No. 1

2005-04-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

It's not all piss and vinegar here in San Fran Sicko. Sometimes -- when I can break myself away from the news -- I do stagger out of my humble abode and stumble onto something glorious. The first San Francisco Bay Area "hidden treasure" I'd like to share with you is El Metate, a transcendent taqueria in San Francisco's Mission District (where else?).

It's a tiny place with almost no seating, but the small staff is quick and courteous, serving up Mexican food that's fantastic, and fantastically different from ordinary taqueria fare. Pull into the bus zone in front, place an order and watch your car -- then leave in a couple of minutes with a heaping helping of happiness on a plastic plate. Try the fish or Chile Colorado (with potatoes) tacos -- they're out of this world, and a pair of them with chips and salsa will set you back less than $4. Drop a single in the tip jar, and everybody's thrilled.

El Metate
2406 Bryant St. (at 22nd Street)
San Francisco, Calif.
Phone: 415-641-7209

Arnold Gives Props to Minutemen

2005-04-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

Maybe Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger really does have the sand to be a good leader. After his initial flip-flop, he praised the Minuteman Project patriots, saying, "They've done a terrific job." It's clear the Chronicle doesn't like the patriots' work -- the Minutemen are sternly described as "an armed citizens group" in the story's lede -- but what else is new?

The good news: The experimental border patrol is coming to California by Oct. 1, according to a Minuteman spokesman. The predictable news: Sen. Dianne Feinstein knocks the Guvernator, saying California taxpayers should rely on government to stop illegal immigration rather than letting engaged citizens do the job. That would be great, but the government shows no real interest in controlling the borders -- it's too busy printing up every single official document in a dozen languages.

Meanwhile, "prominent Latinos and legislators immediately assailed the governor's statements as alarming," according to the Chron. "It is illegal to interfere with law enforcement, and if the governor is promoting that, then maybe we should think of bringing action against him," said Art Torres, state Democratic Party chairman. Funny, nobody -- aside from bungling bureaucrats, the ACLU and political windbags like Torres -- is interfering with law enforcement.

Where There's a (George) Will

2005-04-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

... there's some brutal truth about the loony left's march toward the ridiculous. The Washington Post columnist's blistering look at the Culture of Coddling ("Have a Nice Day, or Else") rips the lid off the sensitivity-spewing morons -- like teachers afraid to mark up students' papers with red ink because the crimson critiques are too "stressful" -- who are ruining the country.

Read it now, but don't weep. (Weeping is for wussies.) Instead, get a little pissed, and tap into that righteous anger next time you're confronted by a simpering sensitivity creep. Tackling these idiots one at a time is the only way to stop the happy-face brigades once and for all.

Schwarzenegger Flips, Flops on Border

2005-04-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

First our iron-jawed leader shows some cojones, saying California and other states should "close the borders" with Mexico. Then Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger pisses on the parade of all realists who don't shy from the term "illegal immigrant," as they get to watch the Austrian Oak's testes retract in an admittedly artful apology:

"Yesterday was a total screw-up in the words I used," the governor said at a press conference. "Because instead of 'closing,' I meant 'securing.' I think maybe my English, I need to go back to school and study a little bit."

The subtle "I'm an immigrant, too" play seems to have worked -- just check the headline on the apology story: "Governor apologizes for border comment, Hispanic leaders accept."

Meanwhile, some of the Emboldened State's finest native loons want to put a crimp in the guv's cohiba habit.

New Pope, New Wave of Gay Whining

2005-04-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Heaven forfend -- the new pope calls homosexuality a sin. Of course, that doesn't sit well with gay Catholics in groups like Dignity/San Francisco and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, who apparently never bothered to read that bit in the Bible --you know, that big, crazy book upon which Christianity is built -- about men lying down with other men.

It always amazes me when proponents of the gaygenda find fault with church leaders who basically cleave to the Bible's teaching on homosexuality. The first wave of reaction always gets dutifully recorded by the newspapers in stories packed with quotes like this:

"My initial reaction as a gay Catholic man is disbelief and sadness, almost depression," said Gino Ramos, the co-chair of the gay Catholic organization Dignity/San Francisco. "My heart sank when I heard the name Joseph, and I said, 'Oh my God, bless us all.'"

You can practically hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Church leaders have the right to preach what they want. They can call adultery a sin (it is). They can call lying a sin (it still is, despite the libs' defense of the follies of St. Clinton). Preachers and the pope can even call homosexuality a sin (IMHO, it's between you and God). Nobody's bashing fags when they say, "The Bible calls homosexuality a sin -- you should repent." It's a church, and it's providing moral and spiritual guidance. If you don't like it, exit the pew. You can always take up with the Lutherans.

You Tell 'em, Ted

2005-04-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ted Nugent's over-the-top, pro-gun rant apparently thrilled attendees at the National Rifle Association's annual conference in Houston. The self-described "hard-core, radical extremist" urged NRA members to amp up recruiting efforts and "demand the right to self defense."

Terrible Ted's always best when he gets that Motor City mouth running in overdrive, so let's hear him out:

"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! I want carjackers dead," Nugent yelled. "I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

Who can argue with the voice of reason? Well, you can count on the reliably anti-gun mainstream media for that.

Cops in Beer Bust

2005-04-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

An insider snitches about a padlocked fridge, located at a remote police training spot, that contains some adult beverages. And the humorless police chief, Heather Fong, plays Serious Bureaucrat and orders searches of all the cop stationhouses and offices. "I take this very seriously," Fong said.

It's great: We've got a district attorney who refuses to seek the death penalty when a cop gets gunned down, and a Board of Stuporvisors that spends its time wondering how to regulate pot clubs. But let some cops down a beer or two after work, and you've got a San Francisco-style brouhaha.

Somebody should tell these jerks to save the witch hunts for actual witches rather than gunning for cops and firefighters, some of the only heroes left in this twisted city. Of course, only in a politically correct place like this would you have women heading both the police and fire departments. But don't worry, San Fran Sicko -- I'm sure they're the best men for the job.

Patriotism Proves Contagious

2005-04-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

President Bush can call the Minuteman Project volunteers "vigilantes" all he wants, but the border-patrolling patriots are bringing out the best in their fellow Americans. The experiment/protest is spawning copycat patrols by civilians from Texas to my misguided state, California. "This is not about being racist or persecuting someone for the color of his skin," said an organizer of an Arizona group called the Yuma Patriots. "It is about this country being overrun.... It is our civic duty as citizens of Yuma to stop this crisis."

Keep up the good work, gentlemen. The nation is watching. (Which means an SF Board of Stuporvisors resolution condemning your actions is probably in the works.)

Fill 'er Up -- With Bile

2005-04-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

Plenty of things piss me off here in the Bay Area: price-hike politicians, chucklefuck "progressive activists," a long-lasting real estate bubble that's fueling street-level inflation. But sometimes it's the petty little problems that remind me just how far California -- the Emboldened State -- has fallen (with San Francisco at the southern tip of the dipper).

Here's one source of near-constant irritation: gas stations. They used to be called "service stations," but that long-dead term in no way relates to the current situation. Fill your tank at a San Francisco gas station and you'll pay top dollar. What you won't do is get anything resembling a pleasant experience. Go ahead: Try to wash your windshield. If there's a squeegee anywhere to be found, chances are there won't be any liquid to dip it in. And I say "liquid," because if the well is indeed wet, most likely there will be no soap involved in the equation. You'll probably be washing your windows with dirty rain water.

And another thing: If you need air for your tires, fat fucking chance there will be a working hose. Even though state law requires that they provide free air and water to patrons, most of the crappy gas stations in "the city that knows how" don't seem to offer any. If they have a machine (and it's not broken), it'll almost certainly demand a quarter (although the attendants generally will turn it on for free if you're buying gas and they're understanding the English).

Happened to me today. Spent $41 to fill up ($2.60 a gallon), then went to get air for my low tire. The Arab working the booth actually apologized pleasantly as he told me the hose had been put away for the day. (This was at 6 p.m.) Nice enough guy. Then I went to another station down the street and plunked a quarter into the air machine. Didn't work. So I went inside, and the attitude-rich poor boy behind the counter said, "It don't work." No shit, Sherlock. At least the bastard gave me a quarter back.

The fantastic (and possibly defunct) Seattle band The Young Fresh Fellows used to sing a song called "I Don't Let the Little Things Get Me Down." Wish I could say the same.

Crack Snack No. 1

2005-04-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

What's a crack snack? An edible substance of dubious nutritional value that's so delicious, so delightful, so downright demonic that you'll be hard-pressed not to eat the entire bag, box, can, sleeve or whatever. When we're talking crack snacks, Lay's Potato Chips' "betcha can't eat just one" slogan is for pikers -- unless you're talking about just one 14 oz. bag.

Crack snacks often come loaded with salt, sugar and devilish additive MSG. And, here in San Fran Sicko, it's more likely that the Board of Stuporvisors will pass legislation banning crack snacks than reinforcing the outlaw status of actual rock cocaine. Snacking -- bad! Crack whoring and thieving -- just another legitimate lifestyle choice worthy of a little counseling!

Anyway, here's the first terrible treat ready for inclusion in the San Fran Sicko Crack Snack Hall of Fame: Mother's Taffy sandwich cookies. One part butterscotch, one part vanilla, and three parts pure sugar fix, they hail from Oakland's mean streets and, while the company that makes 'em was bought up a few years ago by some out-of-town interest, they're still dangerous as hell. Foodlocker.com wants just south of $20 for three packs, but Bay Area folks can indulge their Taffy addiction anytime day or night. They're just $3 or $4 at Safeway, Albertson's, etc., and they're often on sale (which is sort of the grocery store equivalent of the crack dealer's "the first one's free" routine). Enjoy at your own risk.

Freakiest Thing I've Seen All Week

2005-04-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

That's one huge-ass catfish, and the fact that it's got a basketball jammed in its mouth is just icing on the cake. That's a bizarre sight, even for somebody who lives in Freak City, USA. (Once again, thanks to Coast to Coast A.M. for sharing.)

Dim Bulbs in Berkeley

2005-04-07T17:09:00.002-07:00

Matier and Ross uncover another gem, this one revealing just how bureaucratic and ridiculous the Bay Area has become. The M&R item mostly just reprints a memo from Rene Cardinaux, Berkeley's director of public works, to Berkeley Fire Chief Debra Pryor. I've pasted it below, and I've got just one comment: How can a dipshit bureaucrat capable of penning such an asinine memo keep her job?

"Currently whenever a lightbulb burns out, Facilities Maintenance will be notified and a request is made to replace the lightbulb. The Facilities Maintenance folks would try and replace the lightbulbs as soon as they could in the midst of their high-priority work requests and other emergencies. Unfortunately, with the limited resources and the great number of high-priority items and emergencies, the lightbulbs are not replaced as timely as the customer desires.

"The suggestion by (Lt.) Michael Nagamoto to have the firefighters replace their own burned-out lightbulbs that do not require special equipment or special training has a lot of merit. I am sure that nobody calls an electrician or a maintenance person to change their lightbulb at home.

"The firefighters are authorized to replace their own burned-out lightbulb as long as it is just a simple lightbulb replacement and does not require special training and equipment.... The replacement bulb needs to be less than or equal to the recommended wattage for the fixture. If the fixture doesn't work after the lightbulb is changed or there are any complications/problems, Facilities Maintenance needs to notified immediately."

Hide Your Daughters: Men Are Back in Style

2005-04-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

The news is in: Women want real men, not weenies who live the buffed-and-fluffed, hemi-gay "metrosexual" lifestyle being marketed by reality shows and so-called men's magazines. Ever open a copy of Cargo or Maxim? Those mags are all gay, all day, with "how to" articles on picking hair products and homoerotic ads worthy of the ass end of the Gay Buardian.

The results of this study won't sit well with the people pushing the gaygenda, and they probably don't apply in the Bay Area, where so many people have drunk the Kool-Aid that the term "American" is practically pejorative. But here's the truth as I've seen it: They may not want to admit it, but deep down inside the progressive hipster hotties (and even the experimental lesbians) want and need a guy who's not afraid to chew bubblegum and kick ass once in a while.

Don't fear the flannel, sweeties. What you need is a real man -- a guy with a toolbox, a baseball bat and a pickup truck. A guy who eats steak and drinks bourbon, and isn't afraid to make a trip to the shooting range.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

2005-04-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

Could it be true that welders working on the Bay Bridge replacement cut corners and then covered up their allegedly shoddy work? Maybe the FBI will get to the bottom of it before the next big quake brings down the current Bay Bridge, crushing SUV drivers, bus riders and carpoolers alike. It's only been a decade and a half since the '89 temblor showed just how seismically suspect the crossing is, so what's the rush?

Now, after years of the kind of political bickering that's especially galling when actual human lives are at stake, some Democrats are floating a plan to borrow more money to fix the bridge in high style, just the way they like it. Here's a devious twist: They're disguising the proposal as a cut in gasoline taxes, which sounds pretty good to anybody paying north of $2.50 per gallon to refuel their car.

As usual, the devil is in the details: The scheme would immediately exempt gas from sales tax (the way food is now), but would increase the general sales tax on almost every damn thing Californians buy by 0.25 percent. A little bonus: The proposal also would increase the state excise tax on gas, gradually adding 4 cents a gallon over the next decade.

They're sneaky bastards, those tax-and-spend-and-spend-and-spend Dems -- just like a bunch of junkies. Only their drug of choice is taxpayers' money. Prepare yourself for TV commercials (paid for by you, of course) touting the Dems' grand plan to slash your gas bill at the pump! Lucky you.